I met someone whom I vaguely knew in my past spheres, recently, again.
He turned out to be an incredibly decent and positive person, insightful on the certain matters I loved discussing at length about with him, and was a welcome companion to some of the events I attend. In short, I very much liked the space the two of us inhabited in our minds.
Being highly intelligent about social behavior, he managed to radiate welcoming signals into the intuitive hyperspace and always could allure both species from opposing genders.
Or else, he was just approachable looking. I'm truly amazed at the number of people who just came up to him and handed over their namecards.
We became close in the course of 2 weeks. To him, it was perhaps frightening, stepping into my world, where I was always horribly asking him questions about what he thinks and feels. To me, I have always felt like the girl in the television series 'big bang theory', so, I'm quite used to geeky guys. Still, he observed my surprised look when he identified himself as a programmer and raised his hand during one of the sessions, 'I'm a programmer'. (How can you identify yourself as a programmer when you were one years ago, tsk tsk.)
We became perhaps too close for his comfort, once after an intense social chat session, he told me he was not single. Oops. Oh dear. (Awkward!)
I started by typing, 'don't worry, I'm not out to...'
And then I didn't know what to say. What should I say, in this situation, that he looks a lot like someone I love very much, but I'm not projecting the same kind of fuzzy feelings on him, and also that I'm immensely grateful for him being around, just luxuriating in the bliss of being able to spend hours with a person I can talk to...that would sound incredibly sinister.
So, don't worry....?
Don't worry, I'm not looking for a ring for my finger? (Scary creepy...)
Don't worry, I'm not wanting to hook-up with you? (But please don't worry, you are still an appealing person.)
Don't worry, I will definitely not fall in love with you. (Oh God!)
So, in the end, I said brightly on the social chat network:
Don't worry, you are my new best friend! (Ummmm...friendzoned)
I became hypersensitive and overwrought with anxiety thinking about MY feelings over the course of the next few days. Am I treating him as a replacement for my insert-the-word-here? Gosh I even dreamt about him once! Be it friend, lover, or something in between the lines...did I ever consider the possibility... ...helppp.
I never felt lonely too much, and I know that he doesn't too, and that's why I probably thought that he could be the magical one to fulfil my need of, I don't know, a temporary friend who will just positively support me through the small things, because, we both know that this is a temporary arrangement of sorts, until he finds a job here or elsewhere - and gets super busy, workaholic style. And now possibly is the right time to walk into my life, because I am always smiling, I love where I am at, and where I'm going to, I've had many adventures, and these months is probably the season where I just am in happy and undisturbed chillax mode, a fresh time of reckoning compared to those doleful horrid months that made up almost the entire part of the first half of the year. I still have problems, I still have anxieties, but knowing that out of the 8 billion people on this planet someone is there for you makes the sunshine a little brighter in my sphere.
So dear friend who reminds me of a loved one, I hope we can be, as close as we can possibly be, in a happy friendzone.